I just had my diagonistic mammogram and ultrasound done. The ultrasound tech told me she wasn't supposed to tell me but black spots on the ultrasound show cystic areas. That's a good thing! She even looked for stuff on the left side even though there were no orders to do so. She didn't find anything signifacated on the left. So everything sounds like it will be alright. I just am going to end up paying over $300 to find out I have cyst filled boobies. Maybe that is why they are so big!
(don't get me wrong, I would rather pay over $300 to find out I don't have cancer then to have it.)

I went to my dr appt yesterday. When my other dr had called me & told me that I had to have more tests done and see this other dr and they told me that they would have it all set up for me, I thought that my appt yesterday was for the tests. Guess that is what I get for thinking. In all reality, I paid $48.75 for this dr to feel me up. Now I have to go back tomorrow for a diagnogist mammogram and an ultrasound. Then I have to go back to yesterday's dr the following Friday to find out the results. So far my total for this is about $121 and that is just yesterday's feel up & for some guy to read my original mammogram. I still haven't gotten my bill for the mammogram yet. I really hope this turns out to be nothing other than another cyst. I now know where the nodule is located, it is in the same place as the cysts that they found 2 years ago. I'm not as worried now. I am a bit frustrated that my Dad told my grandparents though. I really didn't want an bunch of people to know. My grandparents just buried one of their son's a few months ago. The last thing they need is to worry about their granddaughter. Plus, the fewer people that know, the less chance there is of my children finding out. If it is cancer then of course I will tell my children. But they don't need to worry about their mom, they just need to be kids and have fun. My oldest already tells her little sis to stop stressing me out cuz she doens't want me to end up with cancer and dying, she doesn't want to live with her dad. My son already has anger issues and this would only make it worse. My youngest is so soft hearted, she would cry every time she would look at me. Or then again, they might just start calling dibs on all of my stuff!

Yesterday my son calls me and tells me he hurt his foot being stupid. (those were his words, not mine.) He was with a friend at the lake and jumped out of a tree and into the water. The water was not as deep as he thought it was and now his foot is sore. Not the ankle, but the foot- from bottom to top. I really hope he didn't break any of the small bones in there. Football starts on Monday and he LOVES football! His dad is supposed to call him today to see how it is, if his foot is still sore & he still won't put any weight on it, then his dad is supposed to take him to the doctor. We'll see if he follows through on that. But just to be safe, I am scheduling him an appointment myself.

My oldest girl showed a draft horse at the county fair yesterday. This is the first time she has ever done anything like that. 2 years ago we could barely get her on one of my brothers horses (that are much smaller than this one) and now she is showing a huge draft horse! She took first place in showmanship and 4th place in western riding. I am so proud of her! This picture was taken right after she won 1st place. I'm not sure why she doesn't look any happier, cuz she was excited.

My doctor's appointment is tomorrow. I'm a little scaried. I'll keep you posted.

I am very angry right now.

I will forwarn you that the rest of this post may not make much sense but I am very angry and may not be able to put coherent words together.

A little background info to start:
My X has 6 kids. 3 of them are mine, numbers 2, 3 & 4. We got married in 95, I filed for divorce in 01 after he had moved out to live with a crack whore. (she really was a crackwhore in the very meaning of the word.) The divorce was final in 02. By this time he was no longer with the crack whore but had moved on to another girl. And then yet another. He got girl #3 pregnant and then left her cuz I was ready to give him another chance. She was very ticked and has since made his life none to easy. He had also cheated on girl #2 with girl #1 and got girl #1 pregnant. Girl #1 aka crackwhore, didn't go after him for child support until the kid was like 2, by this time he was already knee deep in child support with girl #3. Meanwhile I was not receiving any support cuz while we were trying to work things out the friend of the court lowered his obligation to zero for me & my 3 kids cuz he lived with us. Now he doesn't hold down a job, doesn't pay either of the other 2 girls any of the support he is ordered pay, nor does he pay what he is ordered to pay on my 3 kids. Now he has a warrent for his arrest for being a dead beat dad and in Michigan they will revoke your drivers license for not paying. Which they have done as well. Now he is asking me to come pick up our youngest daughter (she has been spending the week with him while her brother is at camp and her sister is getting ready for the 4H fair) before he does something that he doesn't want her to see. He will not tell me what this something is. It might be better if I don't know. He just pisses me off! Sometimes i just want to scream at him "look buddy, you couldn't keep your dick in your pants, you couldn't wrap it up, so you deserve the crap you have set yourself up for! You made the kids, now pay for them!" but he doesn't see it that way. he is so stupid! What did I ever see in him? I feel horrible that I cursed my children with him as a father. He never follows through on anything he says he is going to do so I'm not worried that he is going to kill himself or anything like that. I think he is just trying to get attention. Either way I have to rearrange my schedule, I either have to get someone else to pick up my son from camp or else I have to have my manager find someone else to work for me Friday night. I really miss my son & want to go pick him up, but at the same time I need to go to work at the bar so I can pay for him to play football this year. I know I will get it all worked out so I'm not too worried about it.

I just wanted to vent & now I feel a little bit better.