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This is my friend (also my bar manager)'s son. He is good friends with my boy. I was painting my and my youngest daughter's nails and he wanted his done too. Keep in mind this is an 11 year old- going into 6th grade football playing boy.



This is my boy. He had to have his done too. They both wanted black & hot pink but I couldn't find the black. I guess it's in my oldest girl's purse. The boys said they want to keep the polish on until football season starts. Brave, Brave boys.


& when did this happen? When did my baby get so grown up?


I had my mammogram yesterday. Now it is just a waiting game. The tech said the radiologist was to read them either that same day or first thing this morning, then my doctor should get the results in about 2-3 days, then I should get a letter by day 7. That's 7 days of waiting. I am not a patient person. When I want something I want it now. NOW DAMNIT! GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW! Hey, did I mention that I have zero patience? I'll keep you informed.

I had my dr appointment. He did a manual breast exam, much like the ones I always do in the shower. He would feel an area & ask me if that hurt. It was very tender, but with a high pain tolerance it didn't really hurt, but was very uncomfortable. The look that came over his face while he was doing the exam didn't fill me with good feelings, the looks kind of made me scared. He had a lot of concern showing on his face. So if you play poker, play against him- he shows everything in his expressions. He said I have a mass in my left breast, but doesn't think it's a tumor. I have to go on Thursday for a mammogram. I thought I was having that done that day, but guess I thought wrong. I hate mammograms. They really hurt. If you want to know what they feel like, stick your boob in the window and then try to shut the window. Yeah. They hurt. My breast have been tender non stop since my last appointment. I have a bruise on it now, right where the "mass" is. I'm not sure if the bruise is from the underwire on my bra, the exam he did, from the fight at the bar I work at on Saturday night, or a combination of all 3.

I had prayed that if I am going to have breast issues (i.e cancer) that the Lord would provide me with a way to pay for everything- like win the lotto so I could pay off my house and all my debt so I would not have to worry about those things while I was fighting the cancer. Friday night at the bar I made more in tips then I have ever made there. One guy gave me a $100 tip! In this dutch community that is pretty unheard of. It is very common for someone to order a bottle of beer at $3.75, give you a $5 to pay and they want their dollar back, but tell you with a smile "Oh, you can keep the coin Sweetie". Gee thanks. Maybe after your next round I can make a phone call. Saturday night was a decent night too, it was on the high side for tips then normal but about half of what I had made the night before. That was even after the big ol' brawl that one of my tables started. I guess I really surprised some of the people I work with. They all see me as this sweet innocent thing, not someone that would pick up the drunk fighting girl, throw her over my shoulder and start taking her out to the parking lot.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask me, feel free to ask. I usually don't know what to type cuz I really have no idea who reads this anymore. So let me know what you want to know & I will answer.

Just to let you know, I am going to the doctor today at 3. I will let you know what I find out. I haven't really told anyone other than my sis in law that set up the appointment (she works at the doctor's office). My bff knows, she's in Oklahoma.

It's been a while, I know. I'm sorry. I really haven't had much time to post anything. The X decided he couldn't hack it out of state, so he's back in the area again. Still no income for him coming in so that means no child support. That sucks. He does do what he can for me though. The water pump on my truck exploded the other day & he did replace it for me, along with the brake pads, rotators & shocks. I of course paid for the parts, he did the hard dirty work. I just hope I made it clear enought to him that there is no way in hell I will be taking him back into my life the way he wants me to. Been there, done that, NEVER again.

I have to go in for a mammogram next week. I'm 33 and going in for my 2nd mammogram. That really sucks. Breast cancer has been the killer of every female that has died on my mom's side of the family except for one. That one would be my mom and she died from another form of cancer involving the lymph nodes. I have a swollen lymph node and found a lump- both in the left breast area. 2 years ago I had a baseline mammogram done and they found some questionable lumps. Turns out they were just cysts but it was still a scary process. The waiting & not knowing is what really freaks me out. I have 3 kids that really need me. They love their dad & all but they know who to turn to when they really need something other than a good time. To top it all off, I don't have any health insurance. I found the lump a month ago and has been putting it off. I really don't want to find out I have something and then if/when I can get insurance they won't cover it because it is a pre-existing condition. That would really suck.